Part of Being Human
by thatfantasyworldofmine
Summary: Rose is feeling guilty after catching up with Mickey in Cardiff.


Rose flopped down on her bed and lay on her side, hugging her knees, and tried to stem the flow of tears. It was incredibly selfish of her; after all, she had started it, but she couldn't help feeling hurt and even a bit jealous to learn that Mickey was moving on from her.

They had just dropped off Margaret the Slitheen Egg, and Rose was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. She'd hurriedly excused herself from the Doctor and Jack, and barely made it to her room before tears burned her eyes and started to spill down her cheeks. _Stop it!_ she berated herself, frustratedly brushing away the tears. _You left first. D'you expect him to spend forever jus' waitin' for you?_

"Yes," Rose whispered, because like the stupid selfish ape she was, she had. And she had wanted him to. She loved Mickey; really, she did, but not in a romantic sense. Had it ever been in a romantic way? It was more that he was her constant; always there with open arms. It had been nice, but Rose now realised that she'd taken full advantage of it.

And she couldn't believe how horrible it made her feel.

He was never gonna forgive her, Rose could feel it. She'd blown it, time and time again and she hadn't noticed until it was too late. Now she was never gonna get her Mickey back.

"I'm sorry, Mickey," she whispered, wishing he could hear her. Maybe she could ask the Doctor to… but no. She'd gone back for Mickey, just before they left. She hadn't been able to find him; with a sinking feeling in her stomach, she'd made her way back to the TARDIS, starting to realise how Mickey really felt.

Grabbing her pillow, Rose hugged it close to her chest and buried her face in its softness, not bothering to try and hold back the tears any longer. She didn't cry for long; despite how she was feeling right then, Rose didn't like pity parties. Her cheeks dried, and turning the pillow over, Rose closed her tired eyes and went to sleep, hugging her pillow tightly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The Doctor and Jack had independently put together that Rose wanted to be left alone for a while, but after a good few hours, the Doctor started to grow worried. Whenever there was something niggling her, she usually went off for an hour or so, then came to find him. This didn't happen, and so the Doctor started to think that maybe this was something more serious. He dropped his book back onto the table, ignoring Jack's curious glance, and without a word, left the library in search of Rose.

He found her the first place he looked, curled up and hugging a pillow on the edge of her bed. She was asleep, but the telltale tracks of tears and mascara told him she'd been crying. Really crying. He sighed, leaning against the doorway with crossed arms and watching her, debating whether he should go wake her and make her spill, or just leave it.

He was about to leave her alone when her eyes opened, and focused on him. He then entered without hesitation, closing the door behind him and sitting next to her on the bed. She sat up and he wrapped his arms around her, as he knew she would want. He was right; she curled her arms around his middle and hid her face in the lapel of his leather jacket.

"Rose, what's wrong?" he asked quietly, and she sniffed. Rose pulled away and stared down at her hands, twisting them together. "Rose." She glanced at him, and he saw in her eyes something he'd never expected to see there. Guilt. He knew it well; one of the reasons he refused to look in the mirror anymore.

"It's jus' about Mickey…" she started then trailed off, not really sure how to explain it. "It's stupid; he told me he'd been seein' Trisha Delaney an' I was jealous." Rose picked at her nails, avoiding looking at the Doctor. He didn't say anything, although he had to suppress an eye roll; should've guessed it would somehow involve Ricky the idiot. "It got me thinkin'…. how I used him. A lot. An' I wanted to apologise; properly, I mean, but then the Rift happened, an' then he was gone, an' now…" She looked up at him, watery eyes glistening, and the fear was evident in her face. "Doctor, I think he hates me," she whispered. "For leavin'. I would too, I mean-"

"Alright, stop right there," he interrupted firmly. No way was Rose Tyler allowed to hate herself, not by any means and definitely not at the expense of Ricky the idiot. "Rose, I may not know a lot about the stupid ape, but I know this: he does not hate you." He fixed her with a stern look, and she sighed, looking down again. "Oi. He doesn't hate you. An' if he does, I'm goin' to have to go after him an' give him a talking to, because there is no reason at all to hold your decisions against you." She still refused to look back at him, her hands fidgeting, so he covered them both with one of his own. "Rose, you have nothing to be sorry for," he told her gently. "Alright, so you gave up a life of workin' in a shop and eatin' chips, for travellin' and saving the universe? I'd like to see him give up that trade, if he'd been invited, o' course. And today was the reason he wasn't," he added, nodding at her.

"What d'you mean?" Her voice was small but questioning, and he took that as a good sign.

"What did Ricky the idiot do when the Nestene Consciousness was gonna eat me?" He gave her a moment to think back.

"He didn't do anythin'."

"An' what did he do when the Rift was tearing apart the middle of Cardiff just before?" He looked at her pointedly, hoping his point was made.

"He stayed behind." Rose bit her lip, still uneasy about letting herself off the hook so easily. "But tha's jus' how he is; it's not his fault." The Doctor's expression grew indignant.

"What, and so the blame goes to you for bein' the one to step up? I don't think so, Rose; that's not how it works and you know it. C'mere." He circled an arm around her shoulders, giving her a squeeze. "You're brave, Rose; braver than Ricky the idiot. I only take the best, an' he's not invited. Bein' jealous is part of bein' human, but you've realised it. What did Mickey do? Refused to come back an' meet you once you're done saving the world, again?"

She looked up at him, and he knew she understood. Rose smiled reluctantly.

"I do love savin' the world…"

"With my help!" the Doctor protested, but he was glad to see her smile.

"'Course." She nudged him, then leaned against his chest. "Thanks, Doctor."

He kissed the top of her head. "Any time, Rose. I'm not really giving out what I promised if you're not havin' a good time, right?"

"Right," she agreed, and something sparked in her memory. "I've heard that before."

"Hmm?"

"New Year's just gone. I met this guy, so drunk he couldn't even remember what year we'd gone into." She chuckled at the memory. "He asked me what year it was, an' then he looked at me… and it was the weirdest thing. But he looked right at me, an' he told me "I bet you're gonna have a great year."." Rose scratched her head, wondering where the random memory had come from.

"Well?" the Doctor asked.

"Well what?"

"Have you had a good year?"

Rose looked up at the Doctor's face, and smiled a wide smile. "Yeah, 'course I have. An' next year's gonna be just as good!"


End file.
